How it feels when my energy body becomes activated

lightbodyactivationI’m having some sort of epic kundalini activation…it kept me awake many hours! (The die-hard optimist in me is hoping that all of my strange blood circulation symptoms this past month were just a part of this re-calibration!)

I feel energy surging into the bottom of my feet…even when I’m lying down, I’m being penetrated by the Earth Shakti in pulses of ecstatic life force!
 It’s shimmering up my legs and my thighs…oh my thighs…the backs of my thighs. The flesh here is shimmering in blissful aliveness, turned on by the very act of being alive.
It’s cascades up my thighs and into my buttock flesh and whoever is responsible for telling women to model themselves on anorexic models made of flesh-starved bones must be part of the anti-ecstatic conspiracy…because flesh, or rather the Shakti in the flesh is Divine incarnate!
My sacrum is humming so hard that I swear if you put your ear to it you’d hear music! It’s channelling into the tailbone and pouring up the spine in floods of hot liquid molten gold. It’s like angelic volcano lava flowing against gravity…I can’t explain it any other way! It’s just wow.
The sacred curve from bottom crease to clitoris is so activated that it’s bathed in sexual energy. Not a sexual energy that needs anything (not even sex!) but a completely fulfilled sexual energy. And it all pours inwards into my sacred temple within and merged into the womb space where some kind of spiritual union with all that is seems to be happening.
And my yoni wants to take in the world. As if sucking up a cherry off a plate, she feels like sucking the whole globe inside her! The whole green and blue ball! It must be some deep yearning to make love to the earth; to merge with the whole world. Energy rising up from the earth and passion flowing down to the earth.
And my whole body shimmers in this electric ecstasy. My belly, my beloved belly that I, like so many of my sisters, have wasted countless moments disliking and wishing it gone, and yet as energy moves through my body, my belly is a whirlpool of delicate bliss. A deep surging of pure freedom and creative expression is sourced right here. My passion stirs here. Why oh why are so so taught to reject our dear bodies when they are actually the fabric of divine force?
And let’s not forget the heart. As energy surges upwards, it pulses into my heart in heat waves of tangible love. Relentless love. Reasonless love. Love for the pure sake of love.
And here it crystallises into the sacred geometry light structures of my breasts. Love is pouring into them; through them. My breasts are the part of me where I most feel the light matrix of my energy body. There are spirals of geometrical multi dimensional light structures vibrating with the sound of pure love.
I love my breasts. When they are activated with energy, I can see them like an Alex Grey painting. All those hours of breast massage are paying off (though they paid off at the time!). I love it when lovers see beyond the physical structure and can feel and sense this incredible light matrix…because then we are going into the pure love, moving real love, making real love. (Guys, please sensitise yourselves to energy, to Shakti…you don’t know what you’re missing and we can’t even begin until we can meet there!!! Thank you! It’s a win-win situation, I promise!)
And I lie for hours through the full moon night just watching energy pour as love through these breast light structures. It’s really the most beautiful thing. And in this moment I wish for all beings to experience this…to just know that they are made of pure love. To know that it’s not limited by shape or size or any other kind if physical limitation…you are made of pure love. It is God manifesting as light that creates pure love….you are that! What a miracle!
And my whole body from toe tips to crown is gently shimmering. It’s like a super slow-motion orgasm…so slow it’s not like it’s moving through, it’s just being within. Every in-breath is an ecstatic birth; every exhale a complete surrendered let go. The reality of life is right there, right in front of us all along. We are it.
shashi lightAnd in gratitude to this stunning transformation. I feel the cocoon of old cracking away as the new vibration of light emerges through. I’m watching my own rebirth. It’s a miracle. Surges of passion and desire that were once locked up inside frustration are finally emerging as new life! Let us always remember that out frustration is only the pressure of pushing up against the inside if an egg shell until there’s enough pressure to crack it away. Frustration is our own light trying to awaken!
And I’m lying in bed in ecstasy as if making love to all that is, but in total peace and tranquility. Gratitude gratitude gratitude. Jai Shakti Ma!

I should just contextualise that I have just spent one week doing Taoist Sexual Arts, which includes a lot of shaking, qigong, energy healing, meditation and other forms of energy activation! Together with 27 other women in a location in lush nature, we are returning to our deep connection to Mother Earth, offering our practices to Highest Consciousness.

Join me on teacher trainings for women to awaken the energy body and align our sexuality, love and spirit and share that with the world on our mission of love.

How Erotic Dancing has Healed my Sexuality

erotic dance 6On my path of tantra and exploration, I have so often found that my greatest breakthroughs have been in the most surprising places. In fact, so often I discover a huge opening lies right behind a big wall of resistance or judgment. But when that wall comes down…well then the dam of energy that was caught up behind it begins to flow free once again.

Erotic dancing has been one of those surprises for me.

No, I didn’t go off and work as a stripper for a year. In fact, I don’t think I have ever even stepped inside a strip club in my life. Well actually, one night watching the Lady-boys in Bangkok…but I have never even seen inside a female strip club.

However, I have encountered many amazing women who teach the art of striptease, pole dance and erotic dancing as part of the alternative world of transformation, and I have had the joy and liberation to join a few. And the joy to share some of this work within my own workshops.

Is this so that women can learn to dance for men? No, not at all. This is so that women can awaken their energy and feel into their bodies even deeper, for themselves. So that women can love themselves again.

It is also about being seen: this is a big one as it is often our greatest fear and yet our deepest longing at the same time! Once we understand that paradox, we realize that the very parts of us that have been hidden away all these years are the very pieces that long to be seen and accepted exactly as they are.

And this is the healing.

So in a women’s workshop, when we use dance to heal, it has nothing to do with performance. To perform gives the idea to show off some great part of yourself or some great skill. In women’s workshops, this is not performance…this is about revealing.

The essential factors here are love, safety and trust. It is vital that the women feel connected to each other, have moved beyond judgment and comparison, love and honour each other and have taken time to build trust. These are all the reasons that I often wait until the end of a long workshop before I bring this piece in. It is like waiting for love and trust before you make love with a partner…then you know that you will be held in whatever arises from the experience.

erotic dance 1And each woman gets to stand before her sisters and have their loving support and guidance into which energy would most open her in this moment. They may find her costumes, make-up and the perfect piece of music. They create a space of deep presence and high reverence.

This is damn scary. Its terrifying. Just before you start to dance, your body often shakes with energy….the energy that is about to awaken. It can feel like total fear, but when you move that energy it becomes total awakening. It is the deepest alchemy in the presence of love.

As each woman feels into her hidden parts, the parts she has feared will be judged, the parts she has kept away from the light of the world…and she begins to move with them, breathe life into them, reveal them….there are no words to describe the deep and moving beauty of this revelation.

As you watch, you cannot help but love her. Her deepest vulnerability laid out before you; a gift that has no comparison.

And as you watch something awakens within you. You own deep hidden and rejected parts start to stir. As you love her, you are loving yourself. As you give her space, you are giving space to those parts within yourself. As you celebrate her totality, you awaken your own.

The beauty is indescribable.

i am the lost partFinally we realize we are lovable as we are. We see that we have been told to pretend to be someone we are not; told to push some image out into the world. And we remember that actually our deep essence, our embodied stories, our pain and vulnerability and longings and passions…these are the ingredients that make us the perfect mystery, loveable in our completeness. Loveable in our uniqueness. Loveable in the power of our vulnerability.

And this is how erotic dancing has healed my sexuality, and my psyche and core wounds and more!

When I first explored erotic dancing, I was married, in a nine-year monogamous relationship. It brought such new energy to our relating when I started to dance and explore the facets of femininity and sexuality within me. Suddenly I could bring so many different flavours of the feminine to my beloved. It re-energised our whole relationship.

As I said, I have never been to a strip club, and I imagine that they are far from this deep loving transformational space found in women’s workshops. It seems that erotic dance has become a commodity, bought for men’s pleasure…and no doubt, like many great things, the true essence has been squeezed out of it. Possibly in the ancient times, the tantric temple dancers (devadasis) were transmitting the energy in a way that is closer to this powerful alchemy.

So I cannot speak for the commercial world of erotic dance. But I do have immense gratitude for the sacred spaces we are creating, enabling life force energy to flow again in its freedom and nature and beauty.



sacred fem 1Want to go deeper?

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The Orgasmic Nature of Existence

light burstI have written several articles about how the experience is to be in pure darkness for a solid week. However, I have not yet written about how the experience is to come out into the light after such a week. It is, yet again, another opportunity to write about non-sexual orgasmic experiences!

When we come out as a group, we first emerge in the evening so that the first time we remove our blindfolds we see by the light of the dark evening. We choose a place in nature and all remove the blindfolds together. The result is so moving, it can actually move people to tears. I remember this time experiencing a lurching through my heart, as if falling in love with existence. Yes, it is peaceful in the darkness and most people say they don’t want to come out after their week….but what makes it all worth it is the absolute beauty of nature. Life itself is worth living for.

We stood together in the dark eco-village resort gazing with wonder at the branches of the trees, carrying a certain presence of life and radiating peacefulness. People began to touch the leaves of the plants, to examine the bark of a tree up close as if never seen before. Gasps of “wow” and “ooh” and “ahh” as we see what we have seen a million times before for the first time.

That night we went back into our Darkness Bedrooms for sleep. At first when coming out, we go in and out a few times, or use blindfolds to rest the eyes from the light. This helps us to slowly get used to the light again. But I noticed that it is not only the light that is too much…I also noticed the effect of energy as I emerged from the dark.

green natureAs I walked out into daylight the next day, I felt bombarded with sensations, colours and visual stimulus. There were so so so many shades of green. As I looked from one bush to the other I had to gasp with delight. Each one was like a fast shot of energy into my system. Each colour moved energy within me, like a mini-orgasm. I was being opened up just by looking at a few green bushes!

I found myself breathing with the stimulation. Breathing in each colour; each leaf. And energy shuddered right through me. I felt somewhat self-conscious sat at lunch with a group of people who had not been in darkness (luckily all pretty open-minded as it was an Osho retreat centre). But I was becoming orgasmic from every vision, and sat in my chair with my lunch before me making gasping sounds every direction I looked. Though in many ways this is a sensitivity that many people would long for, at the same time it’s somehow not the most socially acceptable way to be!

I went back to my private darkroom again after lunch. Partly because I felt overwhelmed by seeing and feeling so much. I had started to feel a bit giddy with it all. I laid down in darkness and silence and decided to do a Taoist practice in which I brought the intense energy from the light together with the deep peaceful energy of the darkness. I merged them together in my belly, an energetic inner union. It felt amazing to unite these two opposites together, and totally tangible. It was like stirring two ingredients together, and they bonded well and formed an incredible strong presence.

I was intending to just store the fusion energy in my centre…that’s the technique anyway. But somehow the energy ball just went all the way through to my sacrum and created a fireball of energy there. Again, it was so tangible; I’m surprised it didn’t create a burn mark on the white sheets!

This fireball began to rise up my spine, clearing everything in its path. It was the most extraordinary energy experience. It went all the way up, over the course of a few minutes, to the crown and took me into a strong higher state. There was so much energy that I was held there for some time. I was in darkness, so there is really no way of knowing how long! It was a state of bliss, presence and peace.

This was such a wonderful way of shifting my perspective on reality. This retreat I really came to meet darkness as the Creator, and light as the Creation. As this light takes form, in its constant motion and flux, it creates energy. It moves energy. When we are open to that energy, the result is literally orgasmic! We live in an orgasmic universe. Orgasm is the movement of the energy of existence.

When we see energy flow, the result is pure beauty. This would explain why someone who is energetically alive is radiant and beautiful no matter what his or her physical features. Life itself is beautiful. Those who strive to attain “perfection” in some plastic superficial way will never have the beauty of someone really alive or of someone in love.

energy orgasm 1And of course, someone in full-body orgasm is tremendously beautiful. I notice that when energy surges, the heart often feels this as love. As if the heart cracks open. And when we fall in love we are alive with energy. The ground moves beneath us! And when we love someone we feel a delight to see them in orgasm…we literally make love together as we move energy.

So the mysterious beauty of energy was revealed as I came into the light. The orgasmic nature of existence was revealed. The connections between light, energy, orgasm and love were revealed. As the darkness gives birth to itself as light, an astounding miracles happens…and that is life itself.

Train in Tao Tantric Arts in Bali and Thailand with Shashi Solluna and Minke de Vos


Seduction: is it just harmless fun?

tango seductionSeduction: is it the work of the devil or just harmless fun?

As a practitioner of Tao Tantra, what interests me as I walk my life’s path is energy. What happens energetically in different situations? What am I doing with my energy in different expressions of my being? How does my energy affect others around me?

As I explored different types of Tantra I discovered in the more expressive forms (neo-tantra) that sometimes in class we are invited to express our flirty or seductive expressions. And what I discovered from that is that is can be really quite energising and activating, and often makes one feel kind of powerful.

Taoism teaches that power itself is neutral, but that how we use it can cause positive or negative effects in the world. Their rule of thumb is: if you keep an open heart then you will use your power to create love. But with a closed heart, sexual energy can be used in manipulative and harmful ways. (Hence Taoists always precede sexual energy practices with a heart meditation).

So expressing seduction made me feel powerful and alive, but I also noticed sometimes that excessive amounts of playing with seductive behaviour can make me feel confused and chaotic afterwards. I can remember doing a dance weekend that had a lot of seductive dancing in it with many different partners. It was a lot of fun, but by the end I felt a bit lost. Like I had lost my peace; lost my centre, lost myself.

I noticed after the weekend that I was attached to many of the people I had danced with and I wanted something more form some of them…a hug, a touch, some attention…basically I wanted some form of energy from them. This felt somewhat disempowering, and rather than hang around after the dance desperately hoping for some attention, I took myself off to my room to be alone and observe the effects within myself. It didn’t feel good to feel so needy!!!

Later on, I encountered the teachings of Agama, a classical tantra school. They teach that seduction is the action of the second chakra, svadistana (an energy centre above the pubic bone). They warn that if we are not careful with our energy then we can over-activate svadistana and become like a jellyfish- leaky with our energy. They warn that this creates delusion and false reality, unreal connections that fall apart quickly, as well as generating excessive emotional states.

sedcution 2Now this starts to sound as if it’s getting close the the Judeo-Christian teachings that seduction is the devil’s work, and in fact often targets women as the evil temptresses (starting with Eve temping Adam with that fateful apple). And Tantra certainly does not want to demonise sexuality, but it wants to bring it back to the sacred. So how do we navigate our way between the extremes of total judgement, shame and guilt on one hand and a leaky unconscious sexual expression on the other?

The answer, my friends, is most likely going to be “the middle way”.

One core principle of Tantra is uniting apparent opposites together. If we truly unite sexual energy and consciousness together, then we start to find the middle way. Neither suppression of sexual energy nor excessive leakage! If we are tuned in to our own energy as well as of those around us as we express it, then we can feel the vibration that it carries. Is this something fun and uplifting, or is it creating ripples or confusion or power games?

jp sears

J. P. Sears

I once watched a superb video by the teacher and comedian J. P. Sears. In this he says there are two ways we might be using our sexual energy. One is to make ourselves feel better…to bolster a weak self-esteem and cover up all the places were we don’t truly love ourselves. In other words, we manipulate other people into giving us attention so that we can feel good about ourselves.

The other way, according to J.P., is to use sexual energy to create intimacy. To use sexual energy to get close to someone, to see more of who they are and reveal more of who we are. This kind of energy exchange feels nourishing and loving. I can think of many times at ecstatic dance when I have had these kinds of exchanges and I am always left with a warm heart.

Not to mention the joys of pouring one’s sexual energy towards a beloved (someone you are in relationship with), and flirting with them to bring them energy and aliveness and to share love. Somehow when you already have a consensual agreement to share sexual energy together (as you do in relationships), then seduction goes from being a manipulative game to being an act of love.

I myself began to find when I could play with energy without losing my centre (and qigong really helped me to gauge this)…and I could enjoy a tango-esque dance with someone, but keep the needy hooks out of it. Tantric sublimation methods also helped me to make sure that my sexual energy was rising up and not leaking out all over the place!

So, in conclusion, it’s not that seduction is a bad thing per se, but that it is definitely worth bringing some consciousness to it in order that we don’t misuse this powerful form of energy exchange. Oh, and I think it’s worth sharing the definition of ‘seduction” in wikipedia:

Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; to corrupt, to persuade or induce to engage in sexual behaviour. The word seduction stems from Latin and means literally “to lead astray”.

Hmmm that’s a pretty strong definition! Possibly we need a new word for conscious energy sharing that has less negative connotations…

Anyway, whatever name we give it, seduction is a fascinating phenomenon that is definitely worth bringing our awareness too. I definitely don’t think that we should avoid playing with seduction altogether…one only has to think about tango and salsa to see the beauty and energy in it! Whether in a neo-tantra workshop, a salsa club or your own bedroom, here are a few basic tips that might help your exploration to tay conscious:

  • Stay connected to what is happening within you,and not just focusing only on the other people or person you are interacting with. This is key!
  • Sense into people as you interact with them…can you feel how they are receiving your energy? Are they receiving you well? Are they able to meet you? Are they in conscious connection with you? (Note that skilled dancers of couples’ dancing are actually learning to be sensitive to these things, and so learning such a dance could be a good way to become more conscious in your energy exchanges!)
  • Feel into the vibration of the energy exchange. You can actually really feel a good vibe from a bad vibe if you look!
  • Check is your heart relaxed and open? Do you feel a flow of love?
  • If you feel overwhelmed in any interaction, lovingly remove yourself from the situation and go and meditate (even if that means sitting quietly at the side of a dance club with your eyes closed).
  • After any situation in which you generate a lot of sexual energy, the tantric way is to then meditate. Sit upright, close your eyes and watch the energy within you, and if you are able you can try to guide the energy to flow up towards your crown. This is a classical tantric meditation called “sublimation”.

The last suggestion, to sublimate the energy, is what draws the line between a sexual experience and a tantric one. Tantra is actually a spiritual path; one that uses sexual energy to create higher states of consciousness. So it can really transform all of our experiences. If you are new to meditation and tantra then try to find a good teacher to learn this from.

So, I leave you to play with your own flirtatious nature and discover more about yourself, about energy, about connection and consciousness. Remember: it’s great to explore but take care never to harm another. Happy explorations!

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Up-Coming movie about one man’s journey into Tantra: Sex to Spirit. Stay connected!

How can Liver Cleansing Effect your Sexual Energy?

asaparagusYou may never have considered that the state of your liver can have an effect on your sexuality. However, In Taoism and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), it has long been known that the liver controls the flow of sexual energy, or chi, in the body. If the liver is stagnated, with the energy blocked, then sexual energy becomes “tight”. This can manifest in a number of ways such as:

  • Stop-and-start sex drive, coming in spurts. Sometimes there, sometimes not
  • A “horny” edginess to the sexual energy, abrasive
  • Aggressive sexual energy and desire for violent sexual encounters
  • Tight quality to sexual energy. Desire can easily turn into frustration.
  • Stuck lover chi leads to stuck emotions in the form of anger, frustration and/or depression.
  • Sometimes the tightness is so strong that there is no sex drive, unless one uses alcohol or drugs. So low libodo can be connected to blocked liver chi.

Stagnant liver chi is so common in our modern society that this kind of sexual energy has even become normal in many people’s perception. A lot of the produce coming from the porn world carries this edgy sexual vibration and sadly that means that many people do not realise there is any other way!

In terms of Tantric Union, if the sexual energy is very tight, the two lovers will tend to just use sex as a tension-release and not raise energy to higher levels such as the heart and soul level. Often this type of sexual encounter leaves people feeling separate and does not cultivate deep union and connection.

The good news is, this can be adjusted just with the aid of a simple liver cleanse! By purifying the liver and flushing excessive sediment out of the gall bladder, the chi flow of the whole body can be freed up. Not only does the energy flow more freely, but the emotions begin to flow more smoothly also. Instead of feeling edgy-horny sexual drive, you will become filled with a juicy vibrant sexual vitality. This is more like a zest for life than a desire for tension-release, and instead of looking for sex to relieve pressure, you can use your energy as a gift to share with others if you so choose.

When liver chi flows smoothly, you will start to experience:

  • Joyful sexual vitality and zest for life
  • Smooth-flowing emotions
  • Less anger and frustration. More generosity and giving.
  • Deeper sense of connection during sexual union
  • Energy rising and falling in smooth peaks and valleys during intercourse
  • Any violent sexual drive is transformed into a sexual fire that can open up your partner (rather than violate them!)
  • Sexual vitality is joyful, whether you are engaging in sex or not.

liver organSo, the next question is: how do you cleanse the liver?

Basically, the bile (fluid from the gall bladder) breaks down fats. So the easiest way to give the gall bladder a break is to cut out fats: oils, nuts, cheeses and so on. Then of course the liver breaks down toxins, so the second step is to avoid drugs, alcohol and caffeine. These two moves alone will start giving the liver a chance to cleanse. However, there are a few extras you can add into boost the cleanse process:

  • Apples, pears, apple juice. These break down deposits in the gall bladder (gall stones)
  • Apple cider vinegar (2 tablespoons) in warm water with a teaspoon of honey. Drink once or twice a day to move stagnant liver chi. Also good to move frustration and anger.
  • Lemon juice added to your drinking water. Especially good to drink upon waking up.
  • Lots of vibrant salads and greens.
  • Green juices and super greens…but avoid the heavy sweet smoothies.
  • Herbs to boost: you can buy special liver formulas, or take artichoke extract and milk thistle. Follow guidelines on the package.
  • Don’t eat after sunset. Best to take last meal by 6pm.
  • Sleep by 10pm. Liver purifies from 10pm to 2am, according to TCM, so get early nights for a full liver cleanse.

You may want to dedicate a weekend or even a week to focusing on cleansing your liver. In addition to diet, a daily practice of yoga or qigong helps to move blocked energy. In qigong there are two exercises for the liver that are superb:

  1. Shaking: put on your favourite techno music, stand with your feet wide on the earth, and shake! Let your whole body be lose. Imagine you are shaking off old chains and limitations. Shake them off, into the earth! Be free! Afterwards stand with eyes closed and watch the vibrant energy in every cell.
  2. The Woodcutter: stand with feet 3ft apart, in wide stance. Interlace your fingers and raise your arms straight up above your head, as if lifting an axe. Swing ti down between your legs with a deep “huh” sound. Repeat 10-20 times. This is superb to do when you feel angry or irritated with something or someone. After the cutting movements, stand with eyes closed and breathe. Watch the vital energy flow in your body.
1. Hands raised above head

1. Hands raised above head

2. swing down as if chopping wood

2. swing down as if chopping wood

3. swing hands between the legs

3. swing hands between the legs

So why not take the liver challenge? Cleanse your liver and gall bladder and watch what an astounding difference this can make to your sexual vitality and life force energy flow.

If you try this cleanse, please feel free to post your results below. What did you feel? How was your energy? How has it changed your sexual vitality?

Trainings in Tao Tantric practices for health, vitality, love, union and spiritual growth. In Thailand and Bali.

Are you Addicted to Climax?

orgasmicTantric Sex. There’s a lot of hype about it! 

Most people have an idea that its sex that goes on and on. Others have heard that there is no ejaculation. However, not so many people know that it is a whole new reprogramming of the way we handle sexual energy.

You see, in most porn and sexual movies we see a style of building sexual energy up against tension. Once the tension can’t hold the sexual energy any more, it releases in a big burst known as a “climax orgasm”. It’s a bit like filling up a balloon with water…and when the balloon cannot take it anymore it bursts, releasing all the water.

Tantrics regard this as a loss of energy. It is a loss of energy…after a climax many people feel tired and want to roll over and sleep! Over time, a lot of climax-orgasm sex will actually deplete your vitality. But even more than that, you never get the opportunity to build energy. Tantrics discovered that if sexual energy is built up over time, the individual can lift their vibration to a higher level…increasing vitality, healing and even levels of consciousness!

When most people first hear the suggestion of letting go of climax orgasm, they immediately feel resistance. Why would you want to give up something that brings you a sense of release and relief? In an otherwise-stressful lifestyle, climax orgasm may feel like your ultimate solution! However, tantrics will urge you to try otherwise, as a whole new world of possibilities exists.

So why would we consider climax orgasm an addiction?

If we use climax orgasm regularly, then we start to get used to releasing tension through the orgasm. Thus we feel we need it to discharge stress. But it’s not really the most pleasant way to come to a lover for making love….simply as a means of dumping our stress!

In contrast, those who start to move into the alternative: full body orgasm, discover that they no longer feel the urge to dump their tension! In fact, they tend to feel less stress in life over all. When we build our levels of vitality, we have more internal resources to meet the challenges of life, and thus we find life less stressful! It’s a win-win situation.

So much of the porn industry makes use of the addictive quality of climax orgasm. People who watch porn regularly can start to feel as if they need it to release their tension. In fact it becomes less and less about really surrendering to pleasure, and more about releasing pent up stress.

Tantra-Yab-Yum-positionTantra offers a way out. Tantra offers a whole reboot to our relationship with sex and sexual energy. Tantra offers us a way to stay relaxed as we feel sexual energy and let the energy build and rise up into our whole body….beyond the genitals and into huge pleasurable waves of bliss that fill the whole body and even seems to go beyond the body! Instead of meeting sexual arousal with contractions of muscles, with tightening up, with building resistance to it….instead of that we learn to surrender to the energy. This can lead to an experience so much more vast than a tiny localised genital orgasm.

And gradually the addictive quality of sex is diminished. It is not sought out as a means to release pressure. Rather, it is received as a tremendous gift from life that allows us to meet another in love and bliss and ecstasy. Sexual union can become an experience that can take you beyond everyday life, into experiences that uplift you and open your mind. When sexual energy rises up into the head and the brain, one can experience the state of “no-mind”…a blissed-out state in which all thoughts subside for a time, and the individual is simply in ecstasy. This is the meditation of the tantric.

So if you find yourself seeking sex as a way to release a build up of tension within, consider exploring the alternatives. It can take some time and practice to move into tantric love making, but it is can be a life-changing choice.

It is best to learn tantric techniques with a qualified teacher or therapist from a reputable school.

Tao Tantric Arts offer one-month trainings for those who wish to really dive in deeply. It is recommended that you develop a previous practice of meditation and self-development.

Opening a Woman

Everywhere I go on the Tantra scene, I find the same phenomenon: a handful of men who are proudly proclaiming to be  “opening women up”. What this usually means is that they are offering women yoni massage (sexual massage) and orgasmic experiences.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that one of the greatest aspects of the masculine is the desire to open up a woman. There exists this fact that often someone else can open us up more than we can open ourselves. This is because we can surrender to another, whereas on our own there is always an element of being in control. So this aspect of the masculine which delights in opening a woman can be a great and precious gift.

However, I really want to just say something to those men.

orgasmic womanOpening a woman up has the effect of opening her up.

Please stop for a moment to consider what you are opening. When you open a woman sexually, her energy moves (orgasm is a huge movement of sexual energy in the body). When this energy moves, it starts breaking down layers of protection and defence. Now ultimately this is a great thing on the tantric path…we want to drop those old patterns of defence. But, as layers of long-held defence falls away, deep vulnerability is exposed.

When you open a woman up, you re opening up her deep layers, opening her heart, exposing her mystery, taking the lid off Pandora’s box.

She may experience any number of things. Often a huge rush of inexplicable emotions. Some women cry or laugh during orgasm. There may be tremendous flows of energy…full body shaking and trembling.

However, if once you have opened a woman, you pat yourself on the back and then move onto finding the next woman to open, you are leaving a woman wide open and vulnerable.

How often I see men getting carried away with their own ego-gratification without enough understanding of the effect they are having. If you truly wish to be of service through opening women, then it is not for your ego’s sake. And if you are in true service, then you are in service to all of that woman….not only her orgasm, but also her feelings, her energies and all that comes up for her. You are there to serve a woman by creating safe and sacred space for her.

So I certainly don’t want to put a dampener on the enthusiasm of these well-meaning men. But I do want to speak out for all of the women who have been left feeling open and raw and unheld.

Please take care of the sacred feminine. Please acknowledge your own power. Please take responsibility for your actions. Please check in with yourself…you know if you are coming from ego or service. Please don’t fool yourself.

We want to receive your gifts. Truly we do. But we are ready to receive them in a way that is in alignment with healing and love.

Not only that, Tao Tantra says that if a man’s gift is to open a woman sexually, a woman’s gift is to open a man’s heart. If you only make space for the sexual aspect, a woman is left feeling incomplete and the interaction is imbalanced.

There are ways to hold space for a purely sexual opening, such as a professional massage. But please note the word “professional”. The professionals (generally) know how to make a woman feel safe and held through the vehicle of the session and clarity of boundaries. The whole professional setting is in itself a container to hold the experience in.

So if you are running around, from one tantra event to another, “opening women”, I ask you please to pause and take a deep and honest look within. Ask yourself if there is a better way you could be doing this, and please check in where you are coming from. There may be a better way that you can offer your gifts…

And finally, a note from GuruJi, Bob Marley:

Bob Marley The-biggest-coward-is-a-man-who-awakens-a-womans-love-with-no-intention-of-loving-her-Bob-Marley-quote_0

Thanks, Bob!

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