Seduction: is it just harmless fun?

tango seductionSeduction: is it the work of the devil or just harmless fun?

As a practitioner of Tao Tantra, what interests me as I walk my life’s path is energy. What happens energetically in different situations? What am I doing with my energy in different expressions of my being? How does my energy affect others around me?

As I explored different types of Tantra I discovered in the more expressive forms (neo-tantra) that sometimes in class we are invited to express our flirty or seductive expressions. And what I discovered from that is that is can be really quite energising and activating, and often makes one feel kind of powerful.

Taoism teaches that power itself is neutral, but that how we use it can cause positive or negative effects in the world. Their rule of thumb is: if you keep an open heart then you will use your power to create love. But with a closed heart, sexual energy can be used in manipulative and harmful ways. (Hence Taoists always precede sexual energy practices with a heart meditation).

So expressing seduction made me feel powerful and alive, but I also noticed sometimes that excessive amounts of playing with seductive behaviour can make me feel confused and chaotic afterwards. I can remember doing a dance weekend that had a lot of seductive dancing in it with many different partners. It was a lot of fun, but by the end I felt a bit lost. Like I had lost my peace; lost my centre, lost myself.

I noticed after the weekend that I was attached to many of the people I had danced with and I wanted something more form some of them…a hug, a touch, some attention…basically I wanted some form of energy from them. This felt somewhat disempowering, and rather than hang around after the dance desperately hoping for some attention, I took myself off to my room to be alone and observe the effects within myself. It didn’t feel good to feel so needy!!!

Later on, I encountered the teachings of Agama, a classical tantra school. They teach that seduction is the action of the second chakra, svadistana (an energy centre above the pubic bone). They warn that if we are not careful with our energy then we can over-activate svadistana and become like a jellyfish- leaky with our energy. They warn that this creates delusion and false reality, unreal connections that fall apart quickly, as well as generating excessive emotional states.

sedcution 2Now this starts to sound as if it’s getting close the the Judeo-Christian teachings that seduction is the devil’s work, and in fact often targets women as the evil temptresses (starting with Eve temping Adam with that fateful apple). And Tantra certainly does not want to demonise sexuality, but it wants to bring it back to the sacred. So how do we navigate our way between the extremes of total judgement, shame and guilt on one hand and a leaky unconscious sexual expression on the other?

The answer, my friends, is most likely going to be “the middle way”.

One core principle of Tantra is uniting apparent opposites together. If we truly unite sexual energy and consciousness together, then we start to find the middle way. Neither suppression of sexual energy nor excessive leakage! If we are tuned in to our own energy as well as of those around us as we express it, then we can feel the vibration that it carries. Is this something fun and uplifting, or is it creating ripples or confusion or power games?

jp sears

J. P. Sears

I once watched a superb video by the teacher and comedian J. P. Sears. In this he says there are two ways we might be using our sexual energy. One is to make ourselves feel better…to bolster a weak self-esteem and cover up all the places were we don’t truly love ourselves. In other words, we manipulate other people into giving us attention so that we can feel good about ourselves.

The other way, according to J.P., is to use sexual energy to create intimacy. To use sexual energy to get close to someone, to see more of who they are and reveal more of who we are. This kind of energy exchange feels nourishing and loving. I can think of many times at ecstatic dance when I have had these kinds of exchanges and I am always left with a warm heart.

Not to mention the joys of pouring one’s sexual energy towards a beloved (someone you are in relationship with), and flirting with them to bring them energy and aliveness and to share love. Somehow when you already have a consensual agreement to share sexual energy together (as you do in relationships), then seduction goes from being a manipulative game to being an act of love.

I myself began to find when I could play with energy without losing my centre (and qigong really helped me to gauge this)…and I could enjoy a tango-esque dance with someone, but keep the needy hooks out of it. Tantric sublimation methods also helped me to make sure that my sexual energy was rising up and not leaking out all over the place!

So, in conclusion, it’s not that seduction is a bad thing per se, but that it is definitely worth bringing some consciousness to it in order that we don’t misuse this powerful form of energy exchange. Oh, and I think it’s worth sharing the definition of ‘seduction” in wikipedia:

Seduction is the process of deliberately enticing a person, to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; to corrupt, to persuade or induce to engage in sexual behaviour. The word seduction stems from Latin and means literally “to lead astray”.

Hmmm that’s a pretty strong definition! Possibly we need a new word for conscious energy sharing that has less negative connotations…

Anyway, whatever name we give it, seduction is a fascinating phenomenon that is definitely worth bringing our awareness too. I definitely don’t think that we should avoid playing with seduction altogether…one only has to think about tango and salsa to see the beauty and energy in it! Whether in a neo-tantra workshop, a salsa club or your own bedroom, here are a few basic tips that might help your exploration to tay conscious:

  • Stay connected to what is happening within you,and not just focusing only on the other people or person you are interacting with. This is key!
  • Sense into people as you interact with them…can you feel how they are receiving your energy? Are they receiving you well? Are they able to meet you? Are they in conscious connection with you? (Note that skilled dancers of couples’ dancing are actually learning to be sensitive to these things, and so learning such a dance could be a good way to become more conscious in your energy exchanges!)
  • Feel into the vibration of the energy exchange. You can actually really feel a good vibe from a bad vibe if you look!
  • Check is your heart relaxed and open? Do you feel a flow of love?
  • If you feel overwhelmed in any interaction, lovingly remove yourself from the situation and go and meditate (even if that means sitting quietly at the side of a dance club with your eyes closed).
  • After any situation in which you generate a lot of sexual energy, the tantric way is to then meditate. Sit upright, close your eyes and watch the energy within you, and if you are able you can try to guide the energy to flow up towards your crown. This is a classical tantric meditation called “sublimation”.

The last suggestion, to sublimate the energy, is what draws the line between a sexual experience and a tantric one. Tantra is actually a spiritual path; one that uses sexual energy to create higher states of consciousness. So it can really transform all of our experiences. If you are new to meditation and tantra then try to find a good teacher to learn this from.

So, I leave you to play with your own flirtatious nature and discover more about yourself, about energy, about connection and consciousness. Remember: it’s great to explore but take care never to harm another. Happy explorations!

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Up-Coming movie about one man’s journey into Tantra: Sex to Spirit. Stay connected!

How can Liver Cleansing Effect your Sexual Energy?

asaparagusYou may never have considered that the state of your liver can have an effect on your sexuality. However, In Taoism and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM), it has long been known that the liver controls the flow of sexual energy, or chi, in the body. If the liver is stagnated, with the energy blocked, then sexual energy becomes “tight”. This can manifest in a number of ways such as:

  • Stop-and-start sex drive, coming in spurts. Sometimes there, sometimes not
  • A “horny” edginess to the sexual energy, abrasive
  • Aggressive sexual energy and desire for violent sexual encounters
  • Tight quality to sexual energy. Desire can easily turn into frustration.
  • Stuck lover chi leads to stuck emotions in the form of anger, frustration and/or depression.
  • Sometimes the tightness is so strong that there is no sex drive, unless one uses alcohol or drugs. So low libodo can be connected to blocked liver chi.

Stagnant liver chi is so common in our modern society that this kind of sexual energy has even become normal in many people’s perception. A lot of the produce coming from the porn world carries this edgy sexual vibration and sadly that means that many people do not realise there is any other way!

In terms of Tantric Union, if the sexual energy is very tight, the two lovers will tend to just use sex as a tension-release and not raise energy to higher levels such as the heart and soul level. Often this type of sexual encounter leaves people feeling separate and does not cultivate deep union and connection.

The good news is, this can be adjusted just with the aid of a simple liver cleanse! By purifying the liver and flushing excessive sediment out of the gall bladder, the chi flow of the whole body can be freed up. Not only does the energy flow more freely, but the emotions begin to flow more smoothly also. Instead of feeling edgy-horny sexual drive, you will become filled with a juicy vibrant sexual vitality. This is more like a zest for life than a desire for tension-release, and instead of looking for sex to relieve pressure, you can use your energy as a gift to share with others if you so choose.

When liver chi flows smoothly, you will start to experience:

  • Joyful sexual vitality and zest for life
  • Smooth-flowing emotions
  • Less anger and frustration. More generosity and giving.
  • Deeper sense of connection during sexual union
  • Energy rising and falling in smooth peaks and valleys during intercourse
  • Any violent sexual drive is transformed into a sexual fire that can open up your partner (rather than violate them!)
  • Sexual vitality is joyful, whether you are engaging in sex or not.

liver organSo, the next question is: how do you cleanse the liver?

Basically, the bile (fluid from the gall bladder) breaks down fats. So the easiest way to give the gall bladder a break is to cut out fats: oils, nuts, cheeses and so on. Then of course the liver breaks down toxins, so the second step is to avoid drugs, alcohol and caffeine. These two moves alone will start giving the liver a chance to cleanse. However, there are a few extras you can add into boost the cleanse process:

  • Apples, pears, apple juice. These break down deposits in the gall bladder (gall stones)
  • Apple cider vinegar (2 tablespoons) in warm water with a teaspoon of honey. Drink once or twice a day to move stagnant liver chi. Also good to move frustration and anger.
  • Lemon juice added to your drinking water. Especially good to drink upon waking up.
  • Lots of vibrant salads and greens.
  • Green juices and super greens…but avoid the heavy sweet smoothies.
  • Herbs to boost: you can buy special liver formulas, or take artichoke extract and milk thistle. Follow guidelines on the package.
  • Don’t eat after sunset. Best to take last meal by 6pm.
  • Sleep by 10pm. Liver purifies from 10pm to 2am, according to TCM, so get early nights for a full liver cleanse.

You may want to dedicate a weekend or even a week to focusing on cleansing your liver. In addition to diet, a daily practice of yoga or qigong helps to move blocked energy. In qigong there are two exercises for the liver that are superb:

  1. Shaking: put on your favourite techno music, stand with your feet wide on the earth, and shake! Let your whole body be lose. Imagine you are shaking off old chains and limitations. Shake them off, into the earth! Be free! Afterwards stand with eyes closed and watch the vibrant energy in every cell.
  2. The Woodcutter: stand with feet 3ft apart, in wide stance. Interlace your fingers and raise your arms straight up above your head, as if lifting an axe. Swing ti down between your legs with a deep “huh” sound. Repeat 10-20 times. This is superb to do when you feel angry or irritated with something or someone. After the cutting movements, stand with eyes closed and breathe. Watch the vital energy flow in your body.
1. Hands raised above head

1. Hands raised above head

2. swing down as if chopping wood

2. swing down as if chopping wood

3. swing hands between the legs

3. swing hands between the legs

So why not take the liver challenge? Cleanse your liver and gall bladder and watch what an astounding difference this can make to your sexual vitality and life force energy flow.

If you try this cleanse, please feel free to post your results below. What did you feel? How was your energy? How has it changed your sexual vitality?

Trainings in Tao Tantric practices for health, vitality, love, union and spiritual growth. In Thailand and Bali.

Are you Addicted to Climax?

orgasmicTantric Sex. There’s a lot of hype about it! 

Most people have an idea that its sex that goes on and on. Others have heard that there is no ejaculation. However, not so many people know that it is a whole new reprogramming of the way we handle sexual energy.

You see, in most porn and sexual movies we see a style of building sexual energy up against tension. Once the tension can’t hold the sexual energy any more, it releases in a big burst known as a “climax orgasm”. It’s a bit like filling up a balloon with water…and when the balloon cannot take it anymore it bursts, releasing all the water.

Tantrics regard this as a loss of energy. It is a loss of energy…after a climax many people feel tired and want to roll over and sleep! Over time, a lot of climax-orgasm sex will actually deplete your vitality. But even more than that, you never get the opportunity to build energy. Tantrics discovered that if sexual energy is built up over time, the individual can lift their vibration to a higher level…increasing vitality, healing and even levels of consciousness!

When most people first hear the suggestion of letting go of climax orgasm, they immediately feel resistance. Why would you want to give up something that brings you a sense of release and relief? In an otherwise-stressful lifestyle, climax orgasm may feel like your ultimate solution! However, tantrics will urge you to try otherwise, as a whole new world of possibilities exists.

So why would we consider climax orgasm an addiction?

If we use climax orgasm regularly, then we start to get used to releasing tension through the orgasm. Thus we feel we need it to discharge stress. But it’s not really the most pleasant way to come to a lover for making love….simply as a means of dumping our stress!

In contrast, those who start to move into the alternative: full body orgasm, discover that they no longer feel the urge to dump their tension! In fact, they tend to feel less stress in life over all. When we build our levels of vitality, we have more internal resources to meet the challenges of life, and thus we find life less stressful! It’s a win-win situation.

So much of the porn industry makes use of the addictive quality of climax orgasm. People who watch porn regularly can start to feel as if they need it to release their tension. In fact it becomes less and less about really surrendering to pleasure, and more about releasing pent up stress.

Tantra-Yab-Yum-positionTantra offers a way out. Tantra offers a whole reboot to our relationship with sex and sexual energy. Tantra offers us a way to stay relaxed as we feel sexual energy and let the energy build and rise up into our whole body….beyond the genitals and into huge pleasurable waves of bliss that fill the whole body and even seems to go beyond the body! Instead of meeting sexual arousal with contractions of muscles, with tightening up, with building resistance to it….instead of that we learn to surrender to the energy. This can lead to an experience so much more vast than a tiny localised genital orgasm.

And gradually the addictive quality of sex is diminished. It is not sought out as a means to release pressure. Rather, it is received as a tremendous gift from life that allows us to meet another in love and bliss and ecstasy. Sexual union can become an experience that can take you beyond everyday life, into experiences that uplift you and open your mind. When sexual energy rises up into the head and the brain, one can experience the state of “no-mind”…a blissed-out state in which all thoughts subside for a time, and the individual is simply in ecstasy. This is the meditation of the tantric.

So if you find yourself seeking sex as a way to release a build up of tension within, consider exploring the alternatives. It can take some time and practice to move into tantric love making, but it is can be a life-changing choice.

It is best to learn tantric techniques with a qualified teacher or therapist from a reputable school.

Tao Tantric Arts offer one-month trainings for those who wish to really dive in deeply. It is recommended that you develop a previous practice of meditation and self-development.

Opening a Woman

Everywhere I go on the Tantra scene, I find the same phenomenon: a handful of men who are proudly proclaiming to be  “opening women up”. What this usually means is that they are offering women yoni massage (sexual massage) and orgasmic experiences.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that one of the greatest aspects of the masculine is the desire to open up a woman. There exists this fact that often someone else can open us up more than we can open ourselves. This is because we can surrender to another, whereas on our own there is always an element of being in control. So this aspect of the masculine which delights in opening a woman can be a great and precious gift.

However, I really want to just say something to those men.

orgasmic womanOpening a woman up has the effect of opening her up.

Please stop for a moment to consider what you are opening. When you open a woman sexually, her energy moves (orgasm is a huge movement of sexual energy in the body). When this energy moves, it starts breaking down layers of protection and defence. Now ultimately this is a great thing on the tantric path…we want to drop those old patterns of defence. But, as layers of long-held defence falls away, deep vulnerability is exposed.

When you open a woman up, you re opening up her deep layers, opening her heart, exposing her mystery, taking the lid off Pandora’s box.

She may experience any number of things. Often a huge rush of inexplicable emotions. Some women cry or laugh during orgasm. There may be tremendous flows of energy…full body shaking and trembling.

However, if once you have opened a woman, you pat yourself on the back and then move onto finding the next woman to open, you are leaving a woman wide open and vulnerable.

How often I see men getting carried away with their own ego-gratification without enough understanding of the effect they are having. If you truly wish to be of service through opening women, then it is not for your ego’s sake. And if you are in true service, then you are in service to all of that woman….not only her orgasm, but also her feelings, her energies and all that comes up for her. You are there to serve a woman by creating safe and sacred space for her.

So I certainly don’t want to put a dampener on the enthusiasm of these well-meaning men. But I do want to speak out for all of the women who have been left feeling open and raw and unheld.

Please take care of the sacred feminine. Please acknowledge your own power. Please take responsibility for your actions. Please check in with yourself…you know if you are coming from ego or service. Please don’t fool yourself.

We want to receive your gifts. Truly we do. But we are ready to receive them in a way that is in alignment with healing and love.

Not only that, Tao Tantra says that if a man’s gift is to open a woman sexually, a woman’s gift is to open a man’s heart. If you only make space for the sexual aspect, a woman is left feeling incomplete and the interaction is imbalanced.

There are ways to hold space for a purely sexual opening, such as a professional massage. But please note the word “professional”. The professionals (generally) know how to make a woman feel safe and held through the vehicle of the session and clarity of boundaries. The whole professional setting is in itself a container to hold the experience in.

So if you are running around, from one tantra event to another, “opening women”, I ask you please to pause and take a deep and honest look within. Ask yourself if there is a better way you could be doing this, and please check in where you are coming from. There may be a better way that you can offer your gifts…

And finally, a note from GuruJi, Bob Marley:

Bob Marley The-biggest-coward-is-a-man-who-awakens-a-womans-love-with-no-intention-of-loving-her-Bob-Marley-quote_0

Thanks, Bob!

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What is tantra massage, really?

tantra massage 2Just like the word Tantra, there are many misunderstandings and misuses of the term “tantra massage”. In many minds this conjures up instantly a massage with a “happy ending”, or in other words a sexual release. Of course there are people calling their massage “tantra massage” and doing exactly this, and so it is not entirely surprising for this wide-spread belief!!

However, the role of massage in the path of Tantra can be much deeper and more profound. A massage given for sexual pleasure could more accurately be called an “erotic massage”, leaving the term “tantra massage” to encompass another realm of experience entirely. What, then, is a tantra massage?

Tantra is itself a vast and total life path of spiritual awakening. Ancient tantric texts such as Vigyan Bhairav Tantra contain hundreds of methods of awakening, such as eating in a mindful way, meditating upon the sensation of an ant walking upon your skin, and meditative sexual union methods. This ancient text (some say it could be even as much as 5000 years old) includes the meditation of touch:

 “Sweet Princess,” (says Shiva to Shakti) “whilst being caressed, enter the caress as ever-lasting life.”

Can touch, then, be a portal to the eternal? If we enter the caress totally, can we too enter the realm of everlasting life? Can we get a glimpse of the eternal life beyond the impermanent world that we see? How is it that this transition happens?

Tantra is the union of opposites, the meeting of yin and yang. Not only the meeting, but also the divine union that takes us beyond the apparent separation. Thus Tantra invites in apparent opposites, or polarities, to dance together. Tantra massage is this invitation through the bodily form, through touch, through the senses and through flows of energy.

One of the ways in which tantra massage differs from normal massage is in the fact that both yin and yang energies are included. A standard massage, like you would get in a spa, focuses only on the yin energy- that of relaxation. A tantra massage includes both yin relaxing energies and yang stimulating energies. A masterful tantra massage weaves between relaxation and stimulation like a masterpiece of music would build up and break down. This weaving, dancing, meeting and uniting of polar energies will bring a fulfilling sense of completeness and a deep sense of peace.

Because tantra massage works with energy, it is possible to give one without even touching the sexual organs. Yin and yang energies can be stimulated and rested through the spine and through the energy body. People can even attain full body orgasmic experiences with their clothes still on! (but please note that orgasmic states are not an essential part of tantra massage).

However, if the client choses and the conditions are suitable (legal situation etc) then the genitals might be included to unify the sexual organs with the rest of the body. Too often we treat the sexual organs as separate, and then they feel energetically cut off from the rest of the body. It is extremely hard to have a full body orgasmic experience when the genitals are feeling separate from the whole.

Tantra massage facilitates the union of sexual organs with the rest of the body, and thus the union of sexual energy with all other life force energy flowing through us. Even if the receiver does not have a very orgasmic experience during the actual massage, they will find that it makes a difference to the way their energy flows in them the next time they make love. Many couples have received great benefits for their love-life through such healing.

Sexual organ massage can also help release past sexual traumas, when given by a well-trained therapist. Please note the emphasis on “well-trained”! When the therapist knows how to create a safe space, this can support the receiver’s healing process. It is not so much that the massage therapist is healing the recipient…more that they are supporting the recipient’s healing journey.

On that note, a huge part of the healing benefits of tantra massage is to surrender into a safe space. “Safe” is that the therapist is a therapist, and not a lover. The interaction with a lover is different from with a therapist. Lovers exchange energy (and in fact also engage in a complex web of karma).

A well-trained therapist, on the other hand, will simply hold clear space. They may observe the client’s flow of sexual energy, but they do not engage with it or exchange energy with them. This allows the recipient to surrender in a deeper way, and to access deep levels of vulnerability. To engage with a receiver in their vulnerable state would be a violation from the therapist, and it is wise to find a massage therapist with clear boundaries on this issue.


Sadly this field of massage is generally not very well-regulated. When you book a tantra massage, you never know what you will get! Here are some general guidelines to help you find a suitable practitioner:


  • Ask the therapist if they have their own tantric practice. They may practice tantric yoga, qigong or tantric meditations. Any of these practices will enhance their ability to give a true tantric transmission.
  • You can ask the therapist what is the aim with the sexual energy in the massage. If they say “to have an orgasm” or “to be pleasured until release”, then this is an erotic massage. If they say something like “to help you to relax around sexual energy and let it flow around the whole body” or “to feel relaxed and natural in the whole body”, then this is more likely a tantric massage.
  • Check what their boundaries are: “Do you engage in a sexual intimate way with your clients?” Look for a therapist with clear and professional boundaries. Trust is essential for surrender to happen.
  • Remember: as a woman you can receive tantra massage from another woman. If you have past trust issues with men, then this can be good at least for your initial treatments.
  • If you want to receive tantric massage but cannot find a therapist you want to work with, another option if to go with a lover or close friend of the opposite sex to a workshop on tantra massage. There are workshops designed just for the participants to learn to give and receive tantra massage. In this way you can receive the healing benefits.



tantra massage 3A huge thanks to Mahasatvaa Ma Ananda Sarita and Shantam Nisarga for their 12-day “Mystic Massage” training program in Greece (, and to John Hawken for his 3-day training in “Tantra Massage” in the UK ( Two excellent teachers whom I would heartily recommend!

Train in Tao Tantric Arts with Shashi Solluna, Minke de Vos, Dhyan Niten and David Gyurkovics in Thailand. Mixed trainings and women-only retreats.




Sexual Healing

How can sexual energy be used to break old habits and patterns?


sexual healing“I want Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing, oh baby 

Makes me feel so fine”


Marvin Gaye coined the term, and many of us have sang along in the car…but have you ever stopped to think about how sex can actually heal you?


In Tao Tantra sexual energy is said to hold a lot of our ancestral chi. What this means is that there are codes in our DNA that create our patterns and habits, many of which keep us stuck in unhealthy behaviours. In classical tantra this is described in terms of karma. You are born with certain patterns that come from ancestral lines and possibly also past lives (up to you how much you can digest that concept) and in order to evolve your journey of healing lies in releasing these patterns.

Easier said than done!

The trouble is, these ancestral patterns are sticky! How many times have you heard the story of the woman raised with a violent dad who then attracts a violent husband? Or the guy who’s mother put him down who then marries the woman who does exactly that! These are examples of our karma, or patterns that we carry which really do not serve us.

Now it’s not enough to just see our patterns (although this is a huge step and helps them become more conscious). How many times have you seen a problem behaviour and yet still found yourself repeating it? That’s because the behaviour is the tip of an iceberg, and the whole iceberg has to be melted to really change things on a permanent basis.

Tao Tantra sees sexual energy as a very heavy sticky energy at the base level. This corresponds with the lower chakras, energy centres that are associated with survival and instincts. These ancient systems say that the sexual energy actually holds the unconscious patterns that drive us (sexual energy is the energy you feel when you get turned on and that fuels your sexual behaviours). Have you ever noticed that you tend to get sexually attracted to people who trigger your deepest issues?!!!! Well Tao Tantric theory says that is not an accident! We are drawn to certain partners because there is the potential of sexual healing.

However, note the word POTENTIAL. It is not enough to follow our sexual urge wherever it carries us! Because Tao Tantric theory also says that in order to actually release yourself from attachment to these patterns, you have to raise the energy to a higher vibration. This is where Tao Tantric Lovemaking comes in.

Practitioners of these arts learn to cultivate the energy and raise it upwards. As the energy moves up through different pumps, or chakras, it refines. Rather like in an oil refinery where the crude oil is converted to refined oil through a series of processes. Taoists understood the spine as carrying a series of pumps; Tantrics saw this process energetically through wheel-like chakras. It boils down to the same thing: through full-body orgasmic techniques the dense sexual energy can transform into a lighter more refined energy in a process of purification that releases old unhealthy habits.

Another way of looking at this is that some of our patterns of behaviour are of a lower vibration than others. As we raise our base energy up through our body, the vibration raises. We can “lift our spirits”, as they say. Tao Tantric practitioners often report that they can lift heavier emotions, such as depression, through their practices.

Now it all sounds like good news. But the flip side of this is that if you are not raising the energy, when you engage in sex you may stir up all the karmic “mud” and just experience lots of crap with your sexual partner!! Have you ever noticed how relating with a sexually intimate partner goes into muddy areas that non-sexual relationships rarely ever touch? Some people prefer to keep away from sexual relating altogether to avoid stirring up the silt from the bottom of the riverbed!

lotus-mudHowever, Tao Tantra comes back time and time again to the metaphor of the lotus that grows out of the mud. If you learn how to raise sexual energy, you can use sexuality for healing and transformation, rather than as a catalyst for emotional dramas! And what a great way to heal!

How to become a Tao Tantric Lover

Well, it’s not an overnight-job, but there are ancient systems of Taoism and Classical Tantra that can guide you towards raising sexual energy…and you don’t even need a partner to learn!

It’s actually though Tantric Yoga, Taoist Qigong, meditations and breathwork that we can make this shift. Tantric Massage is also an excellent way to evolve…though it is important to search for a practitioner who has their own daily practice and know what Tantra is, as many people use this term for nothing more than an erotic massage. So look around and ask for a teacher who can guide this transition.

Please note: there is absolutely no need to engage sexually with a teacher to learn! Solo practices performed on a yoga mat, fully-clothed, can take you into the realm of tantric lovemaking. And besides: remember that it is those whom you are naturally attracted to and fall in love with who are often the strongest catalysts for your healing!

So, who knows whether Marvin Gaye was a secret Tao Tantric practitioner or not! But the good news is, we all have the potential to learn!

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Tantra for Teenagers


Teen Love

I am no authority on teenagers…there are very few in my life. But I was one once, so certainly I have that under my belt. And as I sit on a plane to Greece, I am surrounded by groups of young people off on their two weeks of binge drinking and stranger shagging. Meanwhile I have my head in a Tantra book. As I catch morsels of overheard conversations, I am tempted to turn to them and begin to preach the Gospel of Tantra! Don’t do it kids! Don’t separate your consciousness from your sexuality and begin to condition yourselves to a lifetime of sexual experiences in which you are not present!

But hey, most of us did at some point. Perhaps you have to fall in order to pick yourself up. It was only after three years of excessive drinking that I gave up alcohol once and for all and headed to India to find something else of life aged 18 (yes I gave up drinking once I became the legal age to drink!)

But what would it be like if, when those hormones firsts start pumping, someone came to talk to us about Tantra? What if, instead of the conflicting message of “sex is a biological method of reproduction” versus the Hollywood messages of “everyone has flawless bodies and is having a lot of great sex all the time”, we were given some sort of sharing about how sex is related to love, and that it can create very strong experiences. What if the word “sacred” were even mentioned in the same sentence as the word “sex”. What then?

And how about, as those surges of energy come through the young teenage body, someone explained sexual energy? Imagine that concept helping our youth to understand the overwhelming forces at play within, and perhaps even learning a few basic tools to help deal with all of that energy…a little breathwork to support them through moments of intense energy surge. Imagine if we were teaching our young people to understand their own sexual energy before they connect to the energy of another, and then when they do connect they know a little about energies playing together.

How about explaining polarity to children as suddenly they gain a sense of being different from the other sex. How about marking that shift, from child to young adult, with a rite of passage. Returning to nature, as our distant ancestors once did, with our peers and our elders, to find out what it is to become a man/woman. What if, instead of MTV icons of male- and female-ness, teenagers learned about age-old archtypes, and about masculine and feminine energies in nature and the universe. Perhaps we could teach them about our own unique make-up of energies, of masculine and feminine traits and tendencies…and how to be at ease with ourselves just as we are.

What if teenagers were shown how to respect the other sex? Taught how to honour qualities that they may not themselves embody. How to share the delights of our differences…not to try to steal something from the other, or to dominate or gain power over the other.

And how about if teenagers were shown sex beyond the pornographic hard, edgy, loveless sex? What if they were exposed to sensuous and loving union? What if they saw two human beings in real and deep connection, with open eyes seeing one another and open hearts feeling one another. What if they actually glimpsed what it looks like when lovers are seeing the divine in one another …

And how would it be to show our young people the connections between sexuality and nature…to show that sex is natural; that it mirrors the gushing rivers and burning fires; the animal instinct. That some beautiful energies can flow between two bodies, an experience of deep aliveness…what if we let them know that?

How useful would it be to understand a little of creating safe space? Of boundaries…ever-shifting yet hugely important. Of “yes’s” and “no’s” and even options such as “can we just stop and hold each other?” And imagine if young people were taught to find their inner truth, their inner knowing…and learn to trust that. So they are no longer susceptible to the suggestion of every Tom, Dick and Harry, but able instead to look within and find what is right for them in each fresh new moment. Imagine if someone showed them that!

Because then even the adults could relax a bit. Instead of trying desperately to shield their young from sexuality, working against a natural explosion of hormones, parents could rest a little knowing that their children were actually equipped to enter the world of sexuality with the empowerment they need to begin such an epic journey. Not only that, but they might actually have some of the  communication skills to discuss it with their parents. The right education would also create the open-minded atmosphere in which teenagers sexual experiences are not all secretive and hidden from fear of being caught.

Many people seek out tantra in their thirties and forties. But why wait? Imagine what a difference it could make if teenagers were initiated into Tantra. Then perhaps I’d be sat on a plane with a load of youthful beings off to seek connection to nature, learn to open their hearts and discover the joys of being a sexual and alive being.