Are you Addicted to Climax?

orgasmicTantric Sex. There’s a lot of hype about it! 

Most people have an idea that its sex that goes on and on. Others have heard that there is no ejaculation. However, not so many people know that it is a whole new reprogramming of the way we handle sexual energy.

You see, in most porn and sexual movies we see a style of building sexual energy up against tension. Once the tension can’t hold the sexual energy any more, it releases in a big burst known as a “climax orgasm”. It’s a bit like filling up a balloon with water…and when the balloon cannot take it anymore it bursts, releasing all the water.

Tantrics regard this as a loss of energy. It is a loss of energy…after a climax many people feel tired and want to roll over and sleep! Over time, a lot of climax-orgasm sex will actually deplete your vitality. But even more than that, you never get the opportunity to build energy. Tantrics discovered that if sexual energy is built up over time, the individual can lift their vibration to a higher level…increasing vitality, healing and even levels of consciousness!

When most people first hear the suggestion of letting go of climax orgasm, they immediately feel resistance. Why would you want to give up something that brings you a sense of release and relief? In an otherwise-stressful lifestyle, climax orgasm may feel like your ultimate solution! However, tantrics will urge you to try otherwise, as a whole new world of possibilities exists.

So why would we consider climax orgasm an addiction?

If we use climax orgasm regularly, then we start to get used to releasing tension through the orgasm. Thus we feel we need it to discharge stress. But it’s not really the most pleasant way to come to a lover for making love….simply as a means of dumping our stress!

In contrast, those who start to move into the alternative: full body orgasm, discover that they no longer feel the urge to dump their tension! In fact, they tend to feel less stress in life over all. When we build our levels of vitality, we have more internal resources to meet the challenges of life, and thus we find life less stressful! It’s a win-win situation.

So much of the porn industry makes use of the addictive quality of climax orgasm. People who watch porn regularly can start to feel as if they need it to release their tension. In fact it becomes less and less about really surrendering to pleasure, and more about releasing pent up stress.

Tantra-Yab-Yum-positionTantra offers a way out. Tantra offers a whole reboot to our relationship with sex and sexual energy. Tantra offers us a way to stay relaxed as we feel sexual energy and let the energy build and rise up into our whole body….beyond the genitals and into huge pleasurable waves of bliss that fill the whole body and even seems to go beyond the body! Instead of meeting sexual arousal with contractions of muscles, with tightening up, with building resistance to it….instead of that we learn to surrender to the energy. This can lead to an experience so much more vast than a tiny localised genital orgasm.

And gradually the addictive quality of sex is diminished. It is not sought out as a means to release pressure. Rather, it is received as a tremendous gift from life that allows us to meet another in love and bliss and ecstasy. Sexual union can become an experience that can take you beyond everyday life, into experiences that uplift you and open your mind. When sexual energy rises up into the head and the brain, one can experience the state of “no-mind”…a blissed-out state in which all thoughts subside for a time, and the individual is simply in ecstasy. This is the meditation of the tantric.

So if you find yourself seeking sex as a way to release a build up of tension within, consider exploring the alternatives. It can take some time and practice to move into tantric love making, but it is can be a life-changing choice.

It is best to learn tantric techniques with a qualified teacher or therapist from a reputable school.

Tao Tantric Arts offer one-month trainings for those who wish to really dive in deeply. It is recommended that you develop a previous practice of meditation and self-development.

Opening a Woman

Everywhere I go on the Tantra scene, I find the same phenomenon: a handful of men who are proudly proclaiming to be  “opening women up”. What this usually means is that they are offering women yoni massage (sexual massage) and orgasmic experiences.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that one of the greatest aspects of the masculine is the desire to open up a woman. There exists this fact that often someone else can open us up more than we can open ourselves. This is because we can surrender to another, whereas on our own there is always an element of being in control. So this aspect of the masculine which delights in opening a woman can be a great and precious gift.

However, I really want to just say something to those men.

orgasmic womanOpening a woman up has the effect of opening her up.

Please stop for a moment to consider what you are opening. When you open a woman sexually, her energy moves (orgasm is a huge movement of sexual energy in the body). When this energy moves, it starts breaking down layers of protection and defence. Now ultimately this is a great thing on the tantric path…we want to drop those old patterns of defence. But, as layers of long-held defence falls away, deep vulnerability is exposed.

When you open a woman up, you re opening up her deep layers, opening her heart, exposing her mystery, taking the lid off Pandora’s box.

She may experience any number of things. Often a huge rush of inexplicable emotions. Some women cry or laugh during orgasm. There may be tremendous flows of energy…full body shaking and trembling.

However, if once you have opened a woman, you pat yourself on the back and then move onto finding the next woman to open, you are leaving a woman wide open and vulnerable.

How often I see men getting carried away with their own ego-gratification without enough understanding of the effect they are having. If you truly wish to be of service through opening women, then it is not for your ego’s sake. And if you are in true service, then you are in service to all of that woman….not only her orgasm, but also her feelings, her energies and all that comes up for her. You are there to serve a woman by creating safe and sacred space for her.

So I certainly don’t want to put a dampener on the enthusiasm of these well-meaning men. But I do want to speak out for all of the women who have been left feeling open and raw and unheld.

Please take care of the sacred feminine. Please acknowledge your own power. Please take responsibility for your actions. Please check in with yourself…you know if you are coming from ego or service. Please don’t fool yourself.

We want to receive your gifts. Truly we do. But we are ready to receive them in a way that is in alignment with healing and love.

Not only that, Tao Tantra says that if a man’s gift is to open a woman sexually, a woman’s gift is to open a man’s heart. If you only make space for the sexual aspect, a woman is left feeling incomplete and the interaction is imbalanced.

There are ways to hold space for a purely sexual opening, such as a professional massage. But please note the word “professional”. The professionals (generally) know how to make a woman feel safe and held through the vehicle of the session and clarity of boundaries. The whole professional setting is in itself a container to hold the experience in.

So if you are running around, from one tantra event to another, “opening women”, I ask you please to pause and take a deep and honest look within. Ask yourself if there is a better way you could be doing this, and please check in where you are coming from. There may be a better way that you can offer your gifts…

And finally, a note from GuruJi, Bob Marley:

Bob Marley The-biggest-coward-is-a-man-who-awakens-a-womans-love-with-no-intention-of-loving-her-Bob-Marley-quote_0

Thanks, Bob!

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What is tantra massage, really?

tantra massage 2Just like the word Tantra, there are many misunderstandings and misuses of the term “tantra massage”. In many minds this conjures up instantly a massage with a “happy ending”, or in other words a sexual release. Of course there are people calling their massage “tantra massage” and doing exactly this, and so it is not entirely surprising for this wide-spread belief!!

However, the role of massage in the path of Tantra can be much deeper and more profound. A massage given for sexual pleasure could more accurately be called an “erotic massage”, leaving the term “tantra massage” to encompass another realm of experience entirely. What, then, is a tantra massage?

Tantra is itself a vast and total life path of spiritual awakening. Ancient tantric texts such as Vigyan Bhairav Tantra contain hundreds of methods of awakening, such as eating in a mindful way, meditating upon the sensation of an ant walking upon your skin, and meditative sexual union methods. This ancient text (some say it could be even as much as 5000 years old) includes the meditation of touch:

 “Sweet Princess,” (says Shiva to Shakti) “whilst being caressed, enter the caress as ever-lasting life.”

Can touch, then, be a portal to the eternal? If we enter the caress totally, can we too enter the realm of everlasting life? Can we get a glimpse of the eternal life beyond the impermanent world that we see? How is it that this transition happens?

Tantra is the union of opposites, the meeting of yin and yang. Not only the meeting, but also the divine union that takes us beyond the apparent separation. Thus Tantra invites in apparent opposites, or polarities, to dance together. Tantra massage is this invitation through the bodily form, through touch, through the senses and through flows of energy.

One of the ways in which tantra massage differs from normal massage is in the fact that both yin and yang energies are included. A standard massage, like you would get in a spa, focuses only on the yin energy- that of relaxation. A tantra massage includes both yin relaxing energies and yang stimulating energies. A masterful tantra massage weaves between relaxation and stimulation like a masterpiece of music would build up and break down. This weaving, dancing, meeting and uniting of polar energies will bring a fulfilling sense of completeness and a deep sense of peace.

Because tantra massage works with energy, it is possible to give one without even touching the sexual organs. Yin and yang energies can be stimulated and rested through the spine and through the energy body. People can even attain full body orgasmic experiences with their clothes still on! (but please note that orgasmic states are not an essential part of tantra massage).

However, if the client choses and the conditions are suitable (legal situation etc) then the genitals might be included to unify the sexual organs with the rest of the body. Too often we treat the sexual organs as separate, and then they feel energetically cut off from the rest of the body. It is extremely hard to have a full body orgasmic experience when the genitals are feeling separate from the whole.

Tantra massage facilitates the union of sexual organs with the rest of the body, and thus the union of sexual energy with all other life force energy flowing through us. Even if the receiver does not have a very orgasmic experience during the actual massage, they will find that it makes a difference to the way their energy flows in them the next time they make love. Many couples have received great benefits for their love-life through such healing.

Sexual organ massage can also help release past sexual traumas, when given by a well-trained therapist. Please note the emphasis on “well-trained”! When the therapist knows how to create a safe space, this can support the receiver’s healing process. It is not so much that the massage therapist is healing the recipient…more that they are supporting the recipient’s healing journey.

On that note, a huge part of the healing benefits of tantra massage is to surrender into a safe space. “Safe” is that the therapist is a therapist, and not a lover. The interaction with a lover is different from with a therapist. Lovers exchange energy (and in fact also engage in a complex web of karma).

A well-trained therapist, on the other hand, will simply hold clear space. They may observe the client’s flow of sexual energy, but they do not engage with it or exchange energy with them. This allows the recipient to surrender in a deeper way, and to access deep levels of vulnerability. To engage with a receiver in their vulnerable state would be a violation from the therapist, and it is wise to find a massage therapist with clear boundaries on this issue.


Sadly this field of massage is generally not very well-regulated. When you book a tantra massage, you never know what you will get! Here are some general guidelines to help you find a suitable practitioner:


  • Ask the therapist if they have their own tantric practice. They may practice tantric yoga, qigong or tantric meditations. Any of these practices will enhance their ability to give a true tantric transmission.
  • You can ask the therapist what is the aim with the sexual energy in the massage. If they say “to have an orgasm” or “to be pleasured until release”, then this is an erotic massage. If they say something like “to help you to relax around sexual energy and let it flow around the whole body” or “to feel relaxed and natural in the whole body”, then this is more likely a tantric massage.
  • Check what their boundaries are: “Do you engage in a sexual intimate way with your clients?” Look for a therapist with clear and professional boundaries. Trust is essential for surrender to happen.
  • Remember: as a woman you can receive tantra massage from another woman. If you have past trust issues with men, then this can be good at least for your initial treatments.
  • If you want to receive tantric massage but cannot find a therapist you want to work with, another option if to go with a lover or close friend of the opposite sex to a workshop on tantra massage. There are workshops designed just for the participants to learn to give and receive tantra massage. In this way you can receive the healing benefits.



tantra massage 3A huge thanks to Mahasatvaa Ma Ananda Sarita and Shantam Nisarga for their 12-day “Mystic Massage” training program in Greece (, and to John Hawken for his 3-day training in “Tantra Massage” in the UK ( Two excellent teachers whom I would heartily recommend!

Train in Tao Tantric Arts with Shashi Solluna, Minke de Vos, Dhyan Niten and David Gyurkovics in Thailand. Mixed trainings and women-only retreats.




Sexual Healing

How can sexual energy be used to break old habits and patterns?


sexual healing“I want Sexual Healing

Sexual Healing, oh baby 

Makes me feel so fine”


Marvin Gaye coined the term, and many of us have sang along in the car…but have you ever stopped to think about how sex can actually heal you?


In Tao Tantra sexual energy is said to hold a lot of our ancestral chi. What this means is that there are codes in our DNA that create our patterns and habits, many of which keep us stuck in unhealthy behaviours. In classical tantra this is described in terms of karma. You are born with certain patterns that come from ancestral lines and possibly also past lives (up to you how much you can digest that concept) and in order to evolve your journey of healing lies in releasing these patterns.

Easier said than done!

The trouble is, these ancestral patterns are sticky! How many times have you heard the story of the woman raised with a violent dad who then attracts a violent husband? Or the guy who’s mother put him down who then marries the woman who does exactly that! These are examples of our karma, or patterns that we carry which really do not serve us.

Now it’s not enough to just see our patterns (although this is a huge step and helps them become more conscious). How many times have you seen a problem behaviour and yet still found yourself repeating it? That’s because the behaviour is the tip of an iceberg, and the whole iceberg has to be melted to really change things on a permanent basis.

Tao Tantra sees sexual energy as a very heavy sticky energy at the base level. This corresponds with the lower chakras, energy centres that are associated with survival and instincts. These ancient systems say that the sexual energy actually holds the unconscious patterns that drive us (sexual energy is the energy you feel when you get turned on and that fuels your sexual behaviours). Have you ever noticed that you tend to get sexually attracted to people who trigger your deepest issues?!!!! Well Tao Tantric theory says that is not an accident! We are drawn to certain partners because there is the potential of sexual healing.

However, note the word POTENTIAL. It is not enough to follow our sexual urge wherever it carries us! Because Tao Tantric theory also says that in order to actually release yourself from attachment to these patterns, you have to raise the energy to a higher vibration. This is where Tao Tantric Lovemaking comes in.

Practitioners of these arts learn to cultivate the energy and raise it upwards. As the energy moves up through different pumps, or chakras, it refines. Rather like in an oil refinery where the crude oil is converted to refined oil through a series of processes. Taoists understood the spine as carrying a series of pumps; Tantrics saw this process energetically through wheel-like chakras. It boils down to the same thing: through full-body orgasmic techniques the dense sexual energy can transform into a lighter more refined energy in a process of purification that releases old unhealthy habits.

Another way of looking at this is that some of our patterns of behaviour are of a lower vibration than others. As we raise our base energy up through our body, the vibration raises. We can “lift our spirits”, as they say. Tao Tantric practitioners often report that they can lift heavier emotions, such as depression, through their practices.

Now it all sounds like good news. But the flip side of this is that if you are not raising the energy, when you engage in sex you may stir up all the karmic “mud” and just experience lots of crap with your sexual partner!! Have you ever noticed how relating with a sexually intimate partner goes into muddy areas that non-sexual relationships rarely ever touch? Some people prefer to keep away from sexual relating altogether to avoid stirring up the silt from the bottom of the riverbed!

lotus-mudHowever, Tao Tantra comes back time and time again to the metaphor of the lotus that grows out of the mud. If you learn how to raise sexual energy, you can use sexuality for healing and transformation, rather than as a catalyst for emotional dramas! And what a great way to heal!

How to become a Tao Tantric Lover

Well, it’s not an overnight-job, but there are ancient systems of Taoism and Classical Tantra that can guide you towards raising sexual energy…and you don’t even need a partner to learn!

It’s actually though Tantric Yoga, Taoist Qigong, meditations and breathwork that we can make this shift. Tantric Massage is also an excellent way to evolve…though it is important to search for a practitioner who has their own daily practice and know what Tantra is, as many people use this term for nothing more than an erotic massage. So look around and ask for a teacher who can guide this transition.

Please note: there is absolutely no need to engage sexually with a teacher to learn! Solo practices performed on a yoga mat, fully-clothed, can take you into the realm of tantric lovemaking. And besides: remember that it is those whom you are naturally attracted to and fall in love with who are often the strongest catalysts for your healing!

So, who knows whether Marvin Gaye was a secret Tao Tantric practitioner or not! But the good news is, we all have the potential to learn!

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Tantra for Teenagers


Teen Love

I am no authority on teenagers…there are very few in my life. But I was one once, so certainly I have that under my belt. And as I sit on a plane to Greece, I am surrounded by groups of young people off on their two weeks of binge drinking and stranger shagging. Meanwhile I have my head in a Tantra book. As I catch morsels of overheard conversations, I am tempted to turn to them and begin to preach the Gospel of Tantra! Don’t do it kids! Don’t separate your consciousness from your sexuality and begin to condition yourselves to a lifetime of sexual experiences in which you are not present!

But hey, most of us did at some point. Perhaps you have to fall in order to pick yourself up. It was only after three years of excessive drinking that I gave up alcohol once and for all and headed to India to find something else of life aged 18 (yes I gave up drinking once I became the legal age to drink!)

But what would it be like if, when those hormones firsts start pumping, someone came to talk to us about Tantra? What if, instead of the conflicting message of “sex is a biological method of reproduction” versus the Hollywood messages of “everyone has flawless bodies and is having a lot of great sex all the time”, we were given some sort of sharing about how sex is related to love, and that it can create very strong experiences. What if the word “sacred” were even mentioned in the same sentence as the word “sex”. What then?

And how about, as those surges of energy come through the young teenage body, someone explained sexual energy? Imagine that concept helping our youth to understand the overwhelming forces at play within, and perhaps even learning a few basic tools to help deal with all of that energy…a little breathwork to support them through moments of intense energy surge. Imagine if we were teaching our young people to understand their own sexual energy before they connect to the energy of another, and then when they do connect they know a little about energies playing together.

How about explaining polarity to children as suddenly they gain a sense of being different from the other sex. How about marking that shift, from child to young adult, with a rite of passage. Returning to nature, as our distant ancestors once did, with our peers and our elders, to find out what it is to become a man/woman. What if, instead of MTV icons of male- and female-ness, teenagers learned about age-old archtypes, and about masculine and feminine energies in nature and the universe. Perhaps we could teach them about our own unique make-up of energies, of masculine and feminine traits and tendencies…and how to be at ease with ourselves just as we are.

What if teenagers were shown how to respect the other sex? Taught how to honour qualities that they may not themselves embody. How to share the delights of our differences…not to try to steal something from the other, or to dominate or gain power over the other.

And how about if teenagers were shown sex beyond the pornographic hard, edgy, loveless sex? What if they were exposed to sensuous and loving union? What if they saw two human beings in real and deep connection, with open eyes seeing one another and open hearts feeling one another. What if they actually glimpsed what it looks like when lovers are seeing the divine in one another …

And how would it be to show our young people the connections between sexuality and nature…to show that sex is natural; that it mirrors the gushing rivers and burning fires; the animal instinct. That some beautiful energies can flow between two bodies, an experience of deep aliveness…what if we let them know that?

How useful would it be to understand a little of creating safe space? Of boundaries…ever-shifting yet hugely important. Of “yes’s” and “no’s” and even options such as “can we just stop and hold each other?” And imagine if young people were taught to find their inner truth, their inner knowing…and learn to trust that. So they are no longer susceptible to the suggestion of every Tom, Dick and Harry, but able instead to look within and find what is right for them in each fresh new moment. Imagine if someone showed them that!

Because then even the adults could relax a bit. Instead of trying desperately to shield their young from sexuality, working against a natural explosion of hormones, parents could rest a little knowing that their children were actually equipped to enter the world of sexuality with the empowerment they need to begin such an epic journey. Not only that, but they might actually have some of the  communication skills to discuss it with their parents. The right education would also create the open-minded atmosphere in which teenagers sexual experiences are not all secretive and hidden from fear of being caught.

Many people seek out tantra in their thirties and forties. But why wait? Imagine what a difference it could make if teenagers were initiated into Tantra. Then perhaps I’d be sat on a plane with a load of youthful beings off to seek connection to nature, learn to open their hearts and discover the joys of being a sexual and alive being.

Paradise Calls

What stops you from walking back into Eden?

I, woman, am Paradise.  The cicadas’ call is my heart beat; the sun shine radiates through my skin; the waves emerge out of my womb; the moon shines in my soul.

What stops you from entering and laying in my garden?

You have been raised in a world where they taught you that you do not deserve Paradise for you were born with original sin, separated from God. Thus pain is the flavour of your existence, and pleasure something you must steal in the shadows of night.

Whilst you are busy stealing, I stand here with arms full of overflowing gifts, but you cannot see. How can you see the plenty, when you still believe in lack?

The tiny pleasures you grasp as your hand reaches out to snatch them bring you no lasting joy, for when the morning light appears you retaliate in shame. You shudder in self-loathing, and crawl back into your hole, dealing out the self-punishment…for after all you are not a man that deserves Paradise…or so they told you.

There is a True Pleasure beyond all that are stolen. If your pleasure cannot be drank in the bright light of consciousness, then it will never bring you Bliss.

Paradise calls. What do you need to do in order to remember that Bliss is your birthright and paradise your home?

She is standing there, calling you, waiting for you to return. But to enter the garden, you must shake off the chains, the beliefs that you are wrapped in. Realize that though you never chose to take them, you can choose to let them go.

She is lying there, waiting open-armed, for you to return and lay in her soft grass and undulating hills. Yet still you scrabble around on the floor of a darkened alleyway searching for scraps.

Step out of the shadows and fall into my arms, My breasts are full of love, like juicy fruit. My yoni an ever-flowing waterfall. Steal from me, and my waters dry up, my fruits wither and die.

Remember Paradise,

Remember your true nature,

Remember how to receive,

…Paradise calls.

Culture has entrapped us. Only Nature can bring us home.

The Pitfalls of Tantra

In most traditional paths of Tantra and Taoist Sexual Practices you often hear of the importance to “purify” before cultivating sexual energy. The Taoists teach that because sexual energy is immensely creative, it will enhance and grow everything. Thus if one has a lot of un-purified anger, raising sexual energy will make you even more angry. If you have a lot of fear, it can produce anxiety attacks. Preparation practices are used to clear the energetic blocks that manifest these negative emotions before cultivating sexual chi. In the path of Tibetan Tantra, a practitioner would complete many years of non-tantric spiritual practice before starting any tantric practices. Tantra Yoga provides a wide range of techniques to prepare body and mind for the sexual practices of tantra.

But what exactly is it that we are purifying and why? What happens if someone embarks on a path of sexual practices without this preparation?

One way to view this is in terms of the ego, or the sense of false self or false identity.

As we are raised in a typical upbringing we are conditioned towards a sense of self and identity. This becomes our reality, gives us a strong sense of “I”, which may have qualities of self-importance and qualities of self-destruction also. Because we believe this is who we are, this sense of self becomes quite dense. It is manifested physically through our body and health, energetically through our emotions and mental through our beliefs. This can be called one’s ego. It is only when one embarks on a spiritual path that one begins to look towards any other reality.

Different spiritual paths offer different methods and practices that can facilitate this process. In Tantric pathways such methods may be called “purification”. The intention is to give less energy to the false aspects of self, and thus they become less dense. Some aspects of self we are more attached to than others and these may be harder to drop. Often practices of fire are used to “burn the karmic fire” and bring enough heat or energy to purify stubborn attachments.

There is a wide range of purification methods found in Tantric and Taoist lineages. They are usually on every level: physical, emotional, energetical and mental, to purify all levels. For example, there may be physical yoga posture or qigong exercises, dietary methods, emotional release, energy practices, and meditation for the mind.

As we embark on purification, the false sense of self becomes less dense, less real, and we become more aware of an inner light, divine presence, pure consciousness as the reality of who we really are. This is sometimes called our True Nature or Ultimate Reality. Instead of living from the desires seeded in ego-self, we live through the desires of Truth. The desire of Truth is almost a misnomer, because the desire is so transparent; so this desire-momentum is more of an “effortless unfolding”, as the Taoists call it.

At what point along the path of purification does one begin sexual practices?

Should one wait until completely purified, and what does that mean? Does one have to completely dissolve the ego-self and become a being of pure light before engaging in sexual practice?

This is not expected, and so there is another method used along with purification. It is the path of bhakti or devotion. This is simply the act of devoting one’s sexual practice to the Divine, and can be done even before one has recognised one’s true nature. There are different forms of this.

One method of devotion is quite simply to devote ones practice to Consciousness. In Taoism this is called itself The Tao or wu wei, sometimes translated as the Source, and may be found my meditating one one’s stillpoint/center (“dantien”). In Tantra it may be called consecration, and is simply the act of devoting one’s practice or sexual act to Consciousness or to The Divine.

Another form of devotion is through divine duality. In Taoism one may connect to Heaven and Earth, the “True Masculine” and “True Feminine” (using qigong or meditation). These are seen as the divine aspects of the fire and water of human masculinity and femininity. In Tantra the equivalent is Shiva and Shakti, the divine masculine and the divine feminine. In the technique of transfiguration we see our beloved as Shiva or Shakti, as well as transfiguring ourselves by meditating on our divine being.

What happens if we proceed with sexual practice without purification and devotion?

Sexual energy is extremely powerful, and thus use of sexual cultivation methods can make someone very powerful. Power is itself is neutral. However, the application of power may be widely differing, as we see from the good king/bad king archetypes. If power is attached to ego, then we tend to have the power to create more karma for ourself, i.e. to create trouble!

This is not just a non-tangible spiritual concept, but a solid reality. We can see it at play in the corporate world. We see companies motivated by greed and other ego-centric sources, and a lot of ripples are created, such as violation of human rights, animal rights and environmental damage. Often such companies produce products that fuel people’s unconscious desire patterns. On the other hand we are starting to see the emergence of ethical companies, motivated by higher values such as care for the environment and fair trade values. The products or services created by such companies are more likely to support the customer’s spiritual evolution and well-being.

Those who start to generate and cultivate a lot of sexual energy without purification and devotion run the risk of mis-using their power. The classic case would be the corrupt tantric guru, who takes advantage of seekers’ desires to evolve by using them sexually for his own pleasure and the cultivation of yet more power. There are also cases of “sexual healers” using techniques to better their fame, glory and bank balance, leaving their clients often feeling violated and confused (or the clients develop their own patterns of mis-use of power). Just as with the ego-centric company, all that is created from some actions will take one farther from spiritual evolution and awakening rather than closer to.

How do we know when we are dealing with an unhealthy power dynamic?

How, on a path when we are vulnerable through lack of experience, can we recognise mis-use of power? We cannot rely on what people say because words can be used to convey truth and mis-truth. Instead we must learn to recognise the presence of ego. This is done not by judging the ego of others’, but always looking within to one’s own ego.

On our own path, this is where we are really responsible. It is up to us to monitor if we are using our practices to cultivate ego or True Nature. One way is to follow our desires back to the seed, or source within.  Desire is what fuels all action, so when you desire to do something check in with yourself and ask “what part of me would benefit from this?” Then see: does that part feel like ego or higher self?

For example, you desire to act as a sexual healer and offer a sexual massage to another person. Before acting upon this desire, stop and meditate into a state of clear mind. Then contemplate the desire itself and look to the source of the desire. What part of you would benefit from the act? If you find that you would like to be seen as a great tantric healer, you would like people to think of you as some great sexual expert…then this has the scent of ego about it! If however, as you contemplate the desire you feel the presence of the Divine, or you feel a strong field of consciousness, then this desire is more likely to be in harmony with spiritual evolution, both for you and the recipient.

The same process can be done from the recipient’s point of view. If you feel a desire to go to a sexual healer for a session, again sit in meditation until the mind becomes clear and then examine the desire. What part of you would benefit? You may discover you are trying to get something from the healer “if I have a session from this healer I will get some of their energy/power.” This is therefore an ego-desire. However, if contemplating the desire brings you into a state of higher consciousness, then it is more likely the desire is divine guidance rather than ego. It is not about the actions we take, but the source of those actions.

The more power involved, the more accentuated the karmic results will be. In this example, the healer is in the position of greater power (as is any teacher, guru or initiator) and therefore it is even more important that they maintain their integrity. If someone holding a lot of power performs an abusive action, it has a much stronger effect than an action of someone with less power. In this way, tantric teachers, healers and initiators have a heavier karmic responsibility. Though they may appear to cause harm to others, ultimately the greatest harm is to themselves. (If we really follow along lines of karmic responsibility we can see that the participants in the acts have also chosen to join in from an ego-based desire, and thus have their own karmic story going on).

This process of the evaluation of desire can be undertaken periodically as one moves along a tantric path, in order to keep oneself in spiritual evolution, and to avoid the pitfalls of the mis-use of power. Often there are a mixture of seed intentions. Part of us desires the fame and glory and part of us desires union with the divine. If we can find both within, we can then put our energy behind the latter and make a conscious choice.

What would this actually look like?

If one propagates ego-based desires, one creates more suffering and illusion. If one follows pure desires, one moves along a path of awakening. Simple!

If you tantric practices appear to be developing a huge sense of ego within you, this is a sign to stop and consider purification and devotion. If you are practicing multi-orgasmic practices for example, and you start feeling like “wow, I am so orgasmic” and you start to publicize the Shashi Solluna Multiorgasmic Method™, then perhaps there is some ego attachment going on. If however, as this sexual energy cascades within you, you feel that you are dissolving into the Absolute, and it brings you into a space of devotion to Spirit or awe of the Mystery; then there is less YOU, and the practices are working in a transcendental way.

It only take regular reflection and ruthless honesty with oneself to discern.

Some schools of Tantra recommend regular, if not daily, devotion of all practices to God/Spirit/Consciousness as a way to help prevent the pitfall of growing ego. Life tends to slap us round the face when we have fallen off the path, so paying attention and not blaming others if this happens, can also help.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own integrity, and we are not here to point out other peoples’ egoic ways. Can we trust karmic law to take care and keep the universal balance that we do not need to be the one to fix everyone else’s mistakes or prevent their pitfalls. After all, perhaps we all need to fall in a pit from time to time in order to feel the bump, see what happened and choose a new pathway next time!


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