It is easy to fall in love in the Tantra world.
Several times a day.
Being caressed by a deeply present person. Eye gazing for endless minutes.Sitting in yab-yum with your bodies pressed up close feeling every breath. Moving energy together, waves of bliss and ecstasy with a stranger before you, who could just be the next love of your life…
But is it real?
Or is it all just an oxytocin-induced delusion? Will it all fall apart the moment you set outside of your safe and held space? Without the guidance of your Tantra facilitator, will your hearts still open as wide or will those old defence mechanisms of a life time set in once more? Are you just seeing the other with a delusional rose-tinted third eye?
They say that “love is blind” but I think it would be more accurate to say that “desire is blind”. Love sees all and accepts everything, warts and all. Desire projects all of our unmet needs onto the first person who gives us five minutes of completely present time, even if they are only doing so because the teacher told them to.
I have noticed that when I am feeling depleted in my life, I tend to generate more needs within myself. I usually need just a cuddle or a walk in the woods. But if I don’t give myself love and rest and care, then it starts to build up inside of me. It’s like a desire-bomb, just ready to explode onto the first man masquerading as Shiva before me.
Now we are all innocent and our desires are innocent, but we just need to know that they can generate an awful lot of projections. “He’s the one!”, “We are made for each other!”, “This could be my soul mate!”,”This is it!”.
I love the feeling of “This is it!”, but these days I try to hold space for the feeling and stay present within it, without being tempted to attribute the feeling to the person sat before me. They may have been the catalyst, but the alchemy is the flow of energy within me. Instead of saying “You’re the one!”, I am wiser to say “Thank you for facilitating my return to love within myself”.
I was at an epic breathwork session for 450 people in Bali last week, and the facilitators led it as an eye gazing partnered session. It is one of those situations, as you breath and start to feel ecstasy and some gorgeous person happens to be sat before you also breathing into bliss…easy for the mind to jump in and start planning the wedding invites…
And Christabel Zamor, one of the facilitators said something like:
“See what is your capacity for intimacy before your mind starts to come in with a story.”
Great line! Thank you Christabel! Yes indeed…what is our capacity for intimacy? And is the story actually just the result of our fear of being so wide open with nothing to hold onto? Is the story just a way to make an expansive experience feel safe? Is our story actually gripping onto and blocking our direct experience with God…with the vastness and awesome power of this moment?
Another quote, one of the breathwork support team that day was my dear friend and co-teacher Kiya Shanti, and whilst discussing this topic he said:
I have wise friends!
Yes indeed. It is not that we need to dismiss all of these expansive tantric experiences as false and avoid them. It is that we need to bring a new awareness to them. Our old fairytale conditioning does not serve our meeting with Truth. It never did. But because we have kept a lot of desires bottled up in the name of being cool, or laid to rest after one too many broken hearts, or simply sidelined as we head off on our busy careers…we have to know that there is still some life in there, inside of us, waiting to be lived! With all of our wondrous options of Tantra and Breathwork and Ecstatic Dance, that life is ready to be liberated…just what are we going to do with it as that energy starts rising?
Classical Tantra has a wonderful solution. It is called “consecration”. This means dedicating the energy that flows through us to the Highest Truth or to the Divine Love or to God or to Great Spirit. Classically we would say we offer it to Shiva, which is the Highest Consciousness….we offer Shakti, our life force energy to Shiva, like two lovers uniting.
This way, rather than pour all of that energy that is rising onto a random stranger in a workshop…we pour it into a full-body prayer. We offer it as gratitude, as prayer, as devotion. We use the experience to return to God, to come home to Love.
Of course, it may turn out that you find a partner to share this prayer with and together you choose to continue this sharing out beyond the workshop walls. But that is a choice, a commitment and a dedication. If we have offered our energy to the Universe first, then we can come full and overflowing to one another, instead of grasping the illusions of your own projections. Living in total alignment yourself, there is far more chance of happy ever after…for even when the partner moves on, the love remains. The love is who you are.
Want to learn with me? I lead trainings and courses in holding space for Taoist and Tantric meditations and healing. We learn not only the methods, but also the art of holding space and leading others home to love.
Teacher Trainings in Tao Tantra: www.taotantricarts.com
Blog of many great Tantra teachers: www.livetantra.com
My own site: www.sollunatantra.com