Do you get more love when you are in a relationship?


holding-handsA dear friend asked me: “do you think you receive more love when you are in a relationship or when you are single?”

She asked this at a time when I was just out of a relationship and was enjoying intimate times with many people…dinner with one person, a long walk with another, cuddles from friends, kisses under the moon. At such a time I feel so open, and after being in a relationship with one person in which we are together day after day and night after night, the change is refreshing.

I sat and pondered her question.

And my answer: it is actually as if there is always the same amount of love pouring into us, and it always fits the vessel at the time.

When we are in a deep relationship with one person the love is condensed into that sharing….waking and gazing in each others eyes, making love together, deep sharings and heart openings. But when we are out of relationship we are open to receive a lot of love from a lot of people. It may not be as deep as with that one special beloved, but it is wider! So much variety! So many expressions of love!

lonelyIt is only the mind that gets attached to how it thinks love should be! Some people are more attached to that “one special person” and they get unhappy when there is no relationship happening. Others are attached to receiving love from many…they are attached to their perceived freedom, and may feel trapped when they are in a relationship.

But the other option is to release our attachment to what we think we should have, and enjoy whatever we are being given! If you are in a relationship right now, enjoy the depth and intimacy. If you are not in a relationship, enjoy the many connections and friendships in your life, the many forms of relating. Receive the love, however the universe is giving it to you!

And of course there are times when it feels as if we have no meaningful relationships at all! Then we may be tempted to feel lonely. But even this is a form of love being given to us, if only we can receive its gifts. These moments can be the most intimate of all….for it is in our aloneness that we can fall into direct relationship with Existence.

I remember once lying in a hammock in my jungle house in the still of the night. I was missing my beloved whom I had spent nine years with. I was aching for my soul mate. ACHING. It felt like the longing would kill me. I decided to enter the feeling completely. To accept it in that moment, and become the longing. As I did so a tremendous thing happened…I merged completely with the Universe, with God, with Existence. As I opened to the longing and let it fill me, it became pure love. I feel into a state of bliss. There was no possibility of loneliness because there was no separation between “me” and the “universe”.

This experience was a revelation, and it’s blessed teaching has never left me.

So the answer is: love always is. Our only task is to receive it! Can we be gracious enough to receive life’s gift of love, in any and every form that it comes?

Are you ready to train as a facilitator of Tao Tantra, supporting others to create meaningful relationships in their lives? Tao Tantric Arts offers month-long trainings around the world.

Comments 57

  1. Deep

    Wonderful, indeed the soul is the only whole-some love which always is with just me and we try to find love in other forms of attachment.

    The ME within me is always loving me guiding me and taking me for as i am and rest all that come in my life are mere actors of the orchestration, We human tend to lover the actors more that Me who are brought in my life by the ME.

    Warm Regards

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